We’ve all been through a lot, right? We’re overextended, emotionally tapped out, and are most likely not our full, authentic selves. I find that many of the people I’m currently working with are unbalanced, want to change and are inspired to take action but as they are getting back into their bodies through movement, they’re confronting a lot of fear and pain as so much of it is buried and stored in the body.
All this really got me thinking about the darker sides of us (the shadow self) and doing shadow work for healing and how healing can lead to wholeness, happiness and improved relationships with ourselves and others.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung described “the shadow self” (aka, “your shit”) as the site of repressed emotions and desires hidden from our conscious awareness. Shadow work involves bringing these unconscious desires to the forefront so we can better understand them, heal them and then integrate them in a healthy way to bring productive change in our lives. “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is,” Jung wrote. In essence, the shadow self is the darker side of ourselves we repress or ignore. Just think of it as all your sh*t you drag around with you on a daily basis.
What is shadow work?
Jung’s believed that if you didn’t embrace the entirety of your being, you couldn’t live a full life. “Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.” A shadow can lead to limiting beliefs, which may snowball into all manner of undesirable outcomes: self-sabotage, destructive behavior, ruined relationships, etc.
The concept of shadow work, then, is acknowledging all parts of the psyche — effectively bringing what is dark into the light. You can’t have balance without both the dark and the light. Shadow work actualizes living a multi-faceted life that incorporates everything - the good, the bad, the beautiful and the uncertain.
How do you do shadow work on yourself?
Confront your shadow: In layman’s terms, this looks a lot like exploring the full breadth of your feelings. To flush out your shadow, you must be willing to lean into all of your emotions and accept that even the “negative” ones belong and are valid. First, ask yourself questions. When you feel the surge of emotion, ask yourself why you felt it. Give yourself a minute to respond. Learning to listen to your (full) self definitely takes some time.
Get to the heart of it and own it: An important step in shadow work is identifying your shadow, then getting to the heart of it and owning it. What feelings bubbled up and led to this blockage? Do you struggle with feelings of self-doubt? This step can understandably be one hundred percent uncomfortable.
Believe you’re worth it: Confronting the darker parts of your own psyche won’t exactly be fun. The more you dig, the darker things will probably get. Your natural inclination might be to blame yourself or blame others for any negative behavior patterns. So, as you move further into shadow work, it’s important to remember to be kind. You definitely will find things you don’t like. Believe you’re worthy of the work.
What else did Carl Jung say?
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
“A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them. As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.”
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
“Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.”
“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”
“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the un-lived life of the parent.”